Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
