I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
