the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i think my cat just said my name.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize