Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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