Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
