Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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