Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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