She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
