just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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