How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
