Nicole vs. Life
wanna go halves on a baby?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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