he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
