Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
