I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
