I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
