oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she smelled like a LAN party
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
