i jhust puked up my retainher.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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