who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
