:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
