I got chris browned last night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
