Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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