Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
