I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
