yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
