it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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