honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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