I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
