i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
