im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
