Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
