Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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