so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am spending my child support on dildos
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
