Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
