Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize