Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
