I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
