guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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