she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
