I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
