2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
