dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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