I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
