smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
