Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The chlamydia really affected his face.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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