I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
