so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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