Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
