I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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