I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
