Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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