are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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