i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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