cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize