i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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