If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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