Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
