nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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