You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
