How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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