She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
