i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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