if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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