I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize