Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
