Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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