smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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