Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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