Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
